Just before I heard that I had been nominated as a finalist for an MPower award, I had made a decision. No more seeing the Big C as the enemy. As I have entered another decade, I have felt a huge shift in myself. I still get stressed, I still yell at my daughter to hurry up, I still worry about my hubby when he is travelling and battle with that negative chorus in my head that always wants me to doubt myself and think the worst, but I genuinely feel that I have a greater sense of who I am. Maybe it’s just an age thing and this is ‘being forty’ (so there are a few good things aside from wrinkles!!) but given the last twelve years, I wanted to express why this nomination means so much.
I literally can’t believe I have been nominated for this award. As I found myself reading the email on Thursday night, by myself, it felt like a giant thumb poking out of the sky with a neon light saying ‘Its You!’ However, what truly astounds me are all the other women out there who are doing truly amazing things. I am honoured to know two other finalists in other categories whose help, support and friendship is invaluable. MPower is shining the spotlight (big thumb!) on Women In Business all over the UK and they just turned on a very bright light!!!
Adversity just makes us stronger and more determined. We have a heightened sense of what needs to be done, because of what we experienced first hand. We are living through the gaps, we are challenged by the lack and putting something back. It is so incredible to watch and I feel humble to be a part of that. We are focused, we are fuelled by passion and we are driven by our precious feminine emotions. If it were not for them, half of the things we are doing, would not be being done! It is our sensitivity, our awareness and our core caring nature that I think builds the foundations of a women in business.
If it were not for cancer, I would not be doing what I am doing. It sounds mad, but the Big C gave me a P – Purpose! Recognising a lack of support for survivors and those adjusting to life after the hospital environment and routine of treatment and appointments, as well as experiencing the anxiety and confusion that came as part of life after cancer, gave me the focus of finding a way to help myself. Common threads of vulnerability, frustration and loss of direction encouraged me reach out and build the Safespace support group. The hardest challenge, of secondary infertility, helped me recognise the lack of support for mums affected directly or indirectly by cancer and chronic illness during pregnancy and post labour and I am currently in the process of launching my Post Natal Doula business specialising in these amazing mums who need that deeper level of support and nurturing.
Being welcomed into a community who always have each others backs, who cheer and yell from the side lines for every little milestone, is precious. Networking groups like How Does She Do It remind us how women, in any culture, have always supported each other and how vital all our friendships are. I have to thank Jo Ferrone for putting myself and three others forward, without our knowing! She believed in us. That is power in itself. We all met through each other and this particular networking community is so much more than an outlet to push a business. In this day and age, with careers, financial pressures, children and the fast-paced-highly-dependent-on-technology-life we lead, we are giving each other the opportunity and solidarity to think outside the box and embracing it! The sky is literally the limit. No idea is too small.
I really needed support post cancer so I had to make it. I started an adventure which has been a journey of healing and recovery. That loud voice I mentioned earlier has its fair share of rants and self doubt plagues me every day, but, after falling down the rabbit hole (that was each diagnosis) it is as if I stayed in wonderland and made it my home. In doing so, I gained an incredible group of friends, a network of warriors and I am always learning so much about self care and wellbeing. I have pushed myself out of the confines of my comfort zone (and from someone who loves a throw and a cosy pair of pjs, thats saying something!) with talks, workshops, radio interviews, podcasts, new hobbies, like writing, and I have been empowered to make huge decisions, that a few years ago, I would never have done.
One of the challenges of doing our own thing, in my view, is getting our voices heard. Social media can be a great vehicle but it can also get noisy and sometimes we can feel drowned out. I have often written about my love hate relationship with Facebook but when I got the email, I felt as if someone was giving me a loud speaker and saying, join the celebration and shout it out loud. I feel very honoured to be among these incredible businesses and strong and inspiring women. Having this space to raise more awareness of life after cancer, as well as shine a light on mums who have faced adversity and challenges that can make motherhood even more precious, is a huge privilege and I can honestly say, hand on heart, that I love what I do and I can’t wait for more adventures to come.
Sadly, I can not attend the awards ceremony. I made a commitment to climb Snowdon with a special member of the Safespace group, to raise money for The Pituitary Foundation. She had pituitary cancer and came to the Safespace community a totally different lady. She is now full of hope, confidence and positivity and getting to know her over the last year or so has been such a pleasure. There are a group of four of us climbing and we have been training with every steep incline in the Surrey and Hampshire area I think!
The irony of this clash is the other reason I am climbing. I have given a few talks about the complexities of life for a survivor and I often liken it to the climb down a mountain. Getting up the mountain is hard but once we get to the top, the support can fall away and while navigating our way down, we have to manage boulders and pot holes such as mental health, fatigue and physical side effects, that perhaps are not as obvious as those on the way up. Being able to physically walk up and down this mountain is a literal challenge that I feel passionately about. I may have experienced cancer and the fall out three times but if I say its like a mountain, I think I should live the metaphor too! I am disappointed I can not do both but I guess there is a reason for everything.
Getting this far is a huge milestone for Samspaces. Being able to celebrate everything that has happened and all it has taught me is a huge positive that has been a foundation to build on. I have been led from one amazing person to another, survivor and therapist. In all our collective spaces, we give ourselves a safe space to connect and support each other, just like women in business.
People have asked me over the years, ‘Don’t you ever wonder why me?’ I always answer, ‘Why Not me?’
Look at this way, if it hadn’t been me, I may be a totally different person to the one I am now but I rather like me, thank you; not just as an MPower award finalist, but a survivor, a mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a friend and a woman in business!
Over the course of all my cancer experiences I kept a diary. These are the blogs I have written from the thoughts and feelings I recorded there. xx